101 Uses for a Frying Pan
by krazieevilchic
Summary: Link finds out Zelda has birthed his child but refuses to be part of it's life. And Malon starts to keep a book on the many uses of a Frying Pan. Sorry I suck at summaries. Just check it out and give me honest feedback
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! Anyway this is the new story I've been working on since I have writers block for the next chapters in Remember. If anyone who has read that has any suggestions please pm me, this is all I have to say besides enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I hate repetitive disclaimers! But I don't own Legend of Zelda or anything affiliated with it. But I do have a copy of the manga.**

**101 Uses for a Frying Pan**

Malon looked out her kitchen window at Lon Lon Ranch. It was a bright sunny day. Birds were chirping and everything was calm. It was the perfect day for a fishing trip! But of course her best friend wasn't anywhere to be seen. She sighed.

'We were supposed to go fishing today. He totally promised me!' Malon moved away from the window sill and picked up her trusty frying pan. 'Where the hell is Link?' She asked herself. She moved her nimble fingers over the frying pan. She smiled.

'Good ol' frying pan.' Malon started. 'You never let me down did ya? Unlike my so called best friend, Link.' She poked her head out the window for one last look around. She looked from left to right, from north to south, from east to west, and from high to low. Still, nothing.

'Gawd! Where in the goddesses name could he be!' She pulled her head back inside. She looked down at the frying pan in her hand. 'That retard! He said he only needed to stop off at the Lost Woods for a short time. Wasting a perfectly good day for fishing with sitting in a forest.'

She moved over to a large armchair in the connected den. With the frying pan still in hand she slumped down. She played with the large object while waiting for Link to burst through the door.

'He better beg me for forgiveness. And he better bake me a huge cake to apologize.' She mumbled under her breath.

Suddenly she heard someone come into the room. Malon clutched the frying pan close and waited to see the mess of golden hair that sat on her friends head. But as she looked up and peered over her armchair's backrest she sighed. She slumped back down as all she could see was her father's receding hairline and plump stomach.

'Hey honey! You looked mighty happy to see yer ol' man.' Talon said. Malon dropped her head allowing her long red hair to cover her face.

'Hi dad…' she replied in a monotone voice. Talon walked over to her chair. He gave her a confused look then chuckled.

'Well I geuss that's one use for a perfectly good fryin' pan' Talon told his daughter.

'What are you talking about?' She replied.

'I mean yer fondling that there fryin' pan as though you were two hormonal teenagers hidin' in the hay bail.' He said with a laugh.

Malon looked at herself. She was holding the frying pan tightly, but she wouldn't say she was fondling it.

'It's just a nervous habit.' Malon retorted turning her nose in the air. 'Besides, mom used to do the same.'

'Yeah, but yer mother also used to keep a written record of every possible use for a fryin' pan.' Talon said.

Malon's eyelids drooped. 'Of course dad, I'm going to make a new hobby for myself by writing down everything that I'm able to do with a frying pan. Just like mom.'

Talon smirked. 'I thought you would say something like that. So I even got you a new book to start. Take a little look-see.'

He handed Malon a leather bound book. Embroidered in gold was the title, 101 Uses for a Frying Pan. At the bottom was her name as the author. The redhead was in awe yet stunned at the same time. This was probably one of the most beautiful things her father had given her. Yet still she couldn't believe he actually wanted her to waste her time writing down everything she did with a frying pan! She knew that she'd have to use it. He took all the trouble of getting it made and embroidered, it would be rude to just let it lie there. She looked up at her father. He was holding a quill and a small bottle of ink.

'Go ahead. Put in yer first use.' He said with a sheepish grin.

Malon nodded and tool the quill. After dipping it in the ink she opened the book to the first page.

"Use number one: Fondling as a nervous habit." She wrote.

Link sighed as he rode Epona out of the Lost Woods. He looked down at the small bundle in his arms. The baby at about six months old was sleeping right now. Now that he was able to take a good look at it, the baby looked like a perfect mixture of his beloved Zelda and himself. In fact it was their child.

'So why doesn't she want to be a part of its life?' He asked himself. He remembered their conversation clearly from earlier.

_'Link, it's not that I do not wish to be with you and our child. Please believe me I do! But I cannot. I did not know who to entrust the child with or what to do at this moment. But I did decide that you have the right to know that our child was born and that you may have it if you want to keep it.' Zelda said. She avoided his gaze._

_'Zel of course I would want the child. But I want it to have a complete family. I didn't even have the experience of having one parent and all I want is the best for my child. Why can't you be with us?' Link asked._

_'I'm sorry Link. I can't.'_

_'Why?'_

_'I just can't.' Zelda's eyes started to moisten._

_'Why Zel!'_

_'I can't!' _

_'Zelda why! I know something is wrong you're not talking to me. Even if it is something horrible you should always be able to come to me!' Link said sweetly._

_'Because I'm engaged!' Zelda broke down crying. Link wanted to go comfort her but she ran to her horse. He clenched his fist. Impa appeared beside him holding a small bundle. He looked at the Sheikah. He wanted help, he wanted an answer but more right now he wanted a good friend to talk to._

_'She never knew Link.' The older woman said comfortingly. 'She never knew she was pregnant. And when she was going to tell her father he told her that he had engaged her to a prince from another country. She took a great risk escaping to have the child in secret, and she's risking a lot giving it to you.' She handed him the infant. 'Zelda must return to the kingdom now. Or else something terrible might happen that will jeopardize the safety of you, the princess, and your infant.' Impa started to walk towards Zelda. She stopped and turned to Link. She gave him a quick hug. 'It is heartbreaking to see a family get torn apart. Just as heartbreaking it is for a mother to give up her child. Zelda regrets having to do this. And I'm sorry as well. Remember we can always talk if you need to.'_

The bundle started to stir. Link panicked. He had no paternal instinct that he knew of. Spending all his time on the road fighting monsters he never had to take care of any other living creature besides himself. If this child was to survive he would need help, and lots of it. Hopefully his best friend would help him. He kicked Epona lightly and started off towards Lon Lon Ranch.

'Hopefully she won't kill me as I step through the door. I'll get an earful for blowing of our fishing trip!' He thought to himself. He looked at the sun which was setting behind the Gerudo Valley. He wanted to make it to the ranch as soon as possible, and hopefully that would be before sundown.

**So what did you think? Like it? No? Please Review. Bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey there…yeah long update time. Lost interest in this story when I could only come up with 21 non-repeat uses for a frying pan. That means if I said tennis racket(think that's not the right "racket") I wouldn't list down badminton racket etc…But I figured out a way to make it all work…And no OC this time around! Yay! (Not that I don't like OCs it's just I tend to let them get carried away and have narrator powers) Anyway on with the chapter.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own copyrights to the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time _

Malon hummed Epona's Song as she gently brushed the cows in the barn. The large bovines mooed happily and licked her face.

'Gawsh guys, you're gettin' that slobbery saliva of yours all over my dress' she said with a smile. She was always content here in the stables, it definitely beat the hustle and bustle of city life if you asked her. She pulled up a stool and a bucket, sitting herself down beside the youngest cow, Betsy as she was called, Malon slowly started to milk. She listened to the pang of the milk hitting the metal bucket. After a few minutes she left Betsy and started making her ways down the rows. By the time she had finally finished the last cow, and the crankiest, she was drop dead tired.

'Dear gee I'm beat!' she called as she heaved three buckets of milk out of the barn and into her kitchen. She looked out the window at the orange sky with the sun on the horizon. _He's been gone all day, _she thought as she started pulling many vegetables out of the storage. _He better well have a darn good excuse otherwise I'm gonna make him work so hard that his gosh darn fingers will fall off!_

Malon started to wash some beans, carrots, onions, and other assortment of vegetables. Bending down she reached into the cupboard bellow the sink and felt around for her frying pan and a wok. _I think that I'll make some mixed noodles today, that should be good for a change_ she thought happily as she began to take out 3 eggs and separate them into a bowl. She continued to work diligently in the silence of the evening until…

'Neeeeeeiiiiiiiigghh!' a loud whinny shattered the peace at Lon Lon Ranch. Poking her head out the open window, Malon caught sight of a brown mare trotting up to the stable with the one and only Link riding her. Malon finished frying three omelettes and started to slice them into long strips when the door opened quietly. She listened as Link fumbled trying to soundlessly close the door with little success. Turning off the stove Malon picked up her hot frying pan and gripped it tightly.

'I swear Link I'm gonna bludgeon you over the head with this thing unless I see you grovelling and crying like a babe' she whispered to herself. She watched as a strand of blond hair peeked around the corner.

'Dear sweet gee, Link are you trying to hide from me! First you blow off our fishin' trip, and now this idiocy! You better get out here in front o' me mister or I'm gonna whack you so hard with my frying pan you'll travel back in time!' Malon yelled as she crossed her arms over her chest.

'Alright! But you've got to promise not to hit me!' Link yelled back. Malon rolled her eyes.

'Fine! Ya big baby! I promise I won't hit' cha' she said crossing her fingers. She watched as Link sheepishly stepped out from behind the wall. Immediately she ran and hit his head with her frying pan.

'Hey! You promised you wouldn't hit me!' Link yelled.

'Ya well you promised to take me fishing! So I guess we all got shocked today! You know that I can't head out to Lake Hylia by myself! Secondly you know that didn't hurt 'cha, if I really hit 'cha with this thing you'd be out cold faster then you could say "Mal don't do it!" Serves you right' she said. 'Now what's your excuse? And it better be a good one blondie!'

'Alright' he said quietly. 'Promise me you won't freak out'

'Just show me already' she said impatiently. She watched as Link pulled a small bundle from under his tunic. Her eyes followed his movements as he pushed the tiny blue blanket away revealing a tiny face with a small baby nose, eyes closed in a peaceful slumber. Malon's lips trembled; her eyes grew wide, her hands gripped at the handle of her frying pan tighter. She blinked rapidly. Link waved his hand in front of her face trying to grab her attention.

"Mal? Are you alright? Speak to me!" Link said dramatically. Malon shook her head and snapped back to reality. She stared at the tiny creature in Link's arms. She reached one of her hands out to touch the small face. After running her fingers across the soft baby cheek she moved closer and gathered it up in one of her arms. She heard the Hylian in front of her chuckle.

"Pretty cute ain't he?" he said looking down at his child.

"Yeah," Malon nodded. Link smirked he was happy that his best friend was taking this surprising news so well. He was about to close his eyes and sigh when suddenly…

BANG!

"Ouchie!" Link yelled rubbing his head. He was on the floor looking furiously up at Malon who had just whacked him hard with her frying pan.

"What the hell was that for you psycho!?" the blond man yelled jumping up and glaring at the red haired girl.

"What was that for? What was that for! Kidnapping a child that's what! What were you thinking ya moron! I thought you had more common sense then that!" she growled.

"Kidnapping? Why in Din's name would I kidnap a kid!" he roared.

"What are you tryin' to insinuate then Link? That he's yer kid?" Malon yelled back. Link was about to retort with a stupid comment when suddenly…

"Wah!!"

Malon's gaze shifted quickly between the two Hylian blonds. She couldn't tell whether she was angrier at Link for being an idiot, or if she was more concerned about stopping the child from crying. She attempted to slowly rock the baby in her arms but she was so confused that her quick unsteady rocks made the baby wail louder.

'Agh!' she yelled frustrated at the situation. 'Here! You're the father of the tot so take care of it!' she ended by handing the crying child off to Link. He looked at her dumbfounded.

'Me?' he said as he attempted to quiet the child with soft cooing. 'How am I supposed to take care of a child? I'm basically an over grown five year old who wouldn't have survived had it not been for people mothering me! You're the mature female around here, you handle it!' he handed the bundle back to her.

'Mature female!' Malon snapped taking the baby and bouncing it gently. 'What? Just 'cause I'm a girl means I'm supposed to handle it? I have no gosh darn idea how to rear a child! I'm only good when it comes to horses and cattle! How did you get yerself into this predicament anyway?!' she ended handing the baby back to Link. The constant passing back and forth had made the baby crankier than ever. It wailed loudly and constantly.

'I don't think it'll ever stop!' Link yelled changing the subject. He quickly handed the baby back to Malon, who was just about to respond when Talon walked through the door.

'What's all that there ruckus about?' he said as he yawned. He picked some hay out of his overall straps and looked at his daughter holding the bawling infant. He sighed as he walked over and picked up the tiny boy in his arms.

'Don't worry now kiddo 's'alright,' he said as he held the baby over his shoulder and started to pace up and down. Soon the crying had stopped and the baby had lulled back into a deep sleep. Talon turned back and placed the baby in Link's outstretched arms.

'Cute kid,' he said 'but seems a wee bit sensitive to noise. Two of ya'll better not start a fight round him if you know what's good fer ya.' He patted the baby's sleeping head one last time before yawning and walking away leaving both Link and Malon speechless.

Malon shook her head and came back to reality. _Never knew Dad was good at keeping kids quiet, _she thought as she watched Link look between the door and his son's sleeping face. Then it all came back to her. She put on her best angry face and marched up to the confused Hero of Time.

'I must say Mal, your Dad would make an excellent grandfather.' Link said smiling at her. She smirked inwardly as she noticed his smile disappear leaving a look of cowardice in its place as he saw her glare. Before he could back away she grabbed his ear in her hand. He yelped and mumbled about her being evil as she dragged him out of the house. Malon stormed to the barn with Link in tow. As soon as she pushed open the door and made sure the place was void of human life she pushed him inside and quickly shut the door behind herself. She stopped and sighed. Malon looked up at her best friend and smirked.

'So,' she said stepping forward and looking at the baby. 'Are ya going to clue me in or what?'

Link smiled and nodded. He handed her the baby as he started to tell her all about his romantic escapades with Zelda. He sat down beside her on a bail of hay when he finished his long tale.

'So yeah that's it,' he said laying back. 'She said something about being engaged. To be honest I kind of zoned out back when she said "I can't!"' He paused and flipped over onto his side. 'Now what?' he asked watching Malon examine the baby's pale skin.

'Well, now ya think of a name, I mean we can't just keep callin' him "the baby" or "boy"' she said as she stroked the baby's soft blond hair. Link sat up quickly when she said this.

'You mean I can keep him!' he said excitedly. Malon gave him a quick slap.

'Well what else are ya gonna do with him you moron!' she snapped. 'He's yer son, not some puppy you found on the streets I could never stop you from keeping him,' she paused and handed Link back the boy. 'But we need to get a few things in order I guess. He'll need some clothes, we can get those from the market. Then he'll need a crib, eventually his own room. So I'll tell Dad to start making renovations to the house,'

'Wait, wait, wait! Renovations to the house?' Link asked confused.

'Of course,' Malon said with a toss of her head. 'You said it yourself. You're like an over grown five year old. Therefore I'll have to act as the kid's surrogate mother since I'm just that amazing.'

'Really?' Link asked. 'You're totally the best Mal!' he yelled as he grabbed her in a bear hug. 'But what about your life? You won't be able to date or anything. And then he'll wonder why we don't do other couple-y adult things together.'

'Nah, it's okay. I mean as yer best friend I took an oath to be by your side through anything. Besides when I meet my Prince Charming I'll know what to do. But for now let's take this one day at a time, 'kay?' She watched Link nod slowly and reassured herself that her Prince wouldn't mind that she was playing the part of mother to a child in need.

'What about Gijs?' Link said.

'Bless you?' Malon responded while quirking her eyebrow. Link laughed at the sight of his best friend.

'Guess that name's out of the question. What do you have in mind Mal?'

'Eros? I read it in a book somewhere.' She said.

'No way! When he's a teenager other kids will call him things like "Erotica"!' Link said shaking his head violently. 'What about Amias?'

'Nope, what about Reyes?'

'What about Reyes?' Link responded jokingly.

'Was that supposed to be funny?' Malon said putting her hands on her hips.

'Alright scratch Reyes. Sikke? Sikke sounds like a good name,' Link said nodding his head. He quickly changed the action to shaking his head as he mimicked Malon.

'Okay, what about Caron?' Malon suggested. Link sighed and nodded as he realized that she wouldn't stop until one of her names were chosen.

'Alright then buddy,' she said as she picked up the bundle from Link's arms. She stood up and walked to the barn door. 'Welcome to the family Caron.'

**Yes Caron **_**(KAH – ron)**_** is a boys name. It's Welsh, look it up. Does this chapter feel weird to anyone else? Okay. Yeah…Peace out guys.**

**KEC**


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